Confessions of an exasperated job-seeking graduate

Exhilaration-Heartache-Palpitation-Nail-biting-Exhaustive-Accomplished-Defeated-Determined

It all sounds like a thrilling cricket match between India and Pakistan or rather it sounds like any of those games played in any one of those leagues mushrooming  in India. I'm talking about a completely different league. A league which every 4th year can relate to. No, definitely not the Ivy league. Those are the potpourri of feelings that go in the mind of a normal student sitting for placements. The transition from a free-willed, lethargic college guy wearing low waist pants, funky hairstyle, swear words armed at his mouth  to a seemingly responsible looking corporate-ready employee wearing corporate blue with respect tied around his neck is quite a contrasting one. Yes, this is about the placements and interviews conducted shamelessly in every college throughout India.

Come, seventh semester and you can see the college bustling with guys donning themselves with formals ( bought and worn for the first time unless it's a hostelite subjected to ragging activities oblivious to the staff). Most of them stick on to the sky blue colour, which many insultingly call salesman blue! Others go with the classic white and black. Few of the superstitious students  might even look for that lucky pen ,underwear, trouser or a sock to have their luck turned around. Hey! guess what, I think a black cat just crossed  your way.

Shirt tucked in, black shoes polished to mirror like finish, a haircut(usually a first) to pretend to look  like a smartass, trimmed or shaved beard (they don't want to see that unkempt rowdy look of yours), a belt of confidence to keep your loose ends in check and finally a judicious use talcum powder to appear bright and shinning, ready to take on the world. Many might even use a comb for the first time in their life( I did). A fancy file to hold all your credentials, fake certificates, marks card, resumes etc required to show that you really have it in you! I view some of them just as a bunch of paper tigers! This is how we boys do it. Girls usually come in their usual traditional attire with strict rules to wear nothing  too revealing or exposing lest the HR should be tempted to hire her. Keeping it simple is their mantra I guess. And a dash of deodorant not to attract chicks that are incredulously shown in some of those lame advertisements but is just used to aesthetically fit in.

I'll just run you through the entire process which is usually done in a day or two depending upon the HR and the company. The first round in any selection process is aptitude, the mass eliminator. Here in this part of the selection, they siphon out only the best students. Only those who can calculate Tanya's age after 10 years if her mother's age is thrice her present can proceed further on. Only those who can figure out the gain percent can move on if Rahul allows a discount of 10% and he marks his goods 30% above CP. Only those who know the meaning of the word "pusillanimous" have a chance of getting a job. Only those who can deduce the exact day on which 15th August fell on 1776 have a shot at getting their dream job.

I hope these questions gave you a  brief idea about how these weird and to an extent unfair aptitude part of the selection works. They want to know whether you really have some of that grey matter. Obviously everybody does. They want  to see how fast those synaptic nerves of yours can make those error-free connections within that stipulated time. Those four to five options out of which one is deemed to be correct stands between you and the next round! Though it doesn't seem to be the most accurate way of testing your logic. I think it's a tried and tested methodology which has stood the test of time and will definitely stay for the next couple of years. So clearing aptitude is kind of like crossing the Jordan river. Definitely not an herculean task, just got to think smart.

After scramming your mind with all those shortcuts, formulae and concepts, all that matters is those 90 odd minutes which might be the deciding factor in your life. As most of them say, I would like to reiterate," stick on to your basics " and needless to say that hackneyed dialogue" Practice makes Perfect" does add on to your advantage.

Some of  them announce the results and finish the entire process the same day. While some mass recruiters shift it to the next day, giving us enough time to become anxious .That whole night is spent tirelessly preparing for the technical interview, GD, HR with an indefatigable spirit. Some of them have group discussions(GD) which tests the persons communication, listening and presentation skills, command over language. GD usually covers current affairs or a few evergreen topics like India and Pak or something along those lines. Convey that thought of yours in a clear and lucid manner with confidence. If there's  a cacophony of voices erupting at once, don't involve. Let it subside and then go for it.

Then comes the technical interview. Don't bullshit them . Some of them have experiences that exceed your present age. Usually again they target the basics and try to shake us down. If you're technically sound you're off to the next and probably final round, the HR round

HR(Human Resource) people are akin to wolves in a lambs skin, with the converse also possible.  They are amicable, make us feel comfortable, some give us that wide smile showing all those pearlies. They are masters of deception. They stealthily watch your every move, ready to devour us. They are employed to get into to the psyche of the human mind. They want to  trick us, bait us, make us fall into a pit which is all part of an elaborate ruse to corner us .Think before you speak, each and every word can be used against us just like the Miranda rights. They try to delve into your mind which might be vulnerable to attack giving the inexperience and naivety we carry along when it comes to interviews. You can never predict the outcome of the HR interview. You think it was like the perfect interview anybody could ever ask for, unfortunately he would've had something else in his mind and this results in a discrepancy of expectations.

Results. After a detailed discussion with the panellists, they shortlist the names. That duration, when they call out the names is like the longest 5 minute ever. It's like a high intensity drama scene filled with adrenaline. Each name they call out adds a nail to your palpitating heart which gradually shatters your dreams. If your name is called out, those hard anticipatory moments are over. Congrats you are done with it. If you aren't through, you have one hell of a long day. It begins with that self doubt and de-motivating thought floating somewhere in the corner of your mind. You feel crestfallen and dejected. It's like you've been defeated. And then some of your friends might mistakenly wish you on getting that job. That's because of the expectation we carry along. We then smile for those 3 to 4 awkward seconds and you tell them ,"no bro couldn't crack it" and all of them give that reassuring reply, "hard luck". Other close friends might give us that little philosophical talk about how everything happens for a reason or everything happens for the good. I never actually grasped that concept . Really..very abstract! Then you get that lump in the throat where you ask yourself, "was I that bad". You try to hide that sad, morose face and wear a mask that shows your happiness and jubilation for their achievement. Your smile goes on that fluctuation mode which keeps swinging between " I'm happy for them" to "Where the hell did I screw up" . The rest of the day is spent on introspection and careful analysis of what happened throughout the day. The best part is you never know why you didn't make it. It's a closed secret. You just got to come up with those plausible theories, have that never die spirit, be optimistic and make sure frustration doesn't  get the better of you.

Frustration builds up, friends get placed and you go green with envy. Sometimes I wonder if some of them are really looking for a job desperate to just put up that," Got placed...not jobless anymore" status on Facebook. I think that 150+ likes will definitely motivate him to do better. I also think placements in India is definitely overrated. Most of them want a job at the end of 4 years, majority of  them are dead serious , others might just keep it as a backup if their plans don't work out that well. And life isn't all honky dory once you've been placed. Most of them send the offer letters 4-8 months after you finish your graduation. That period, my friends is called being "jobless". A few unlucky souls might not receive the letter. It's like you being put on hold for months and there you are eagerly waiting for their reply. The people who receive will be trained, monitored ,again tested, a few of them will be rejected and people who survive that ordeal are appointed. Tedious, isn't it.

So here's all the best to all of those future, intense interviews and placement drives. There's always a next time. You'll get a better company and deserve a better package. So these are a few life advices given by great teachers surrounding us.

My advice? The next two quotes.

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield" - Lord Alfred Tennyson  

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work , the more I have it"- Thomas Jefferson